Tuesday 12 April 2016

MY NAME IS................................

I used to have one funky bobo like that. I  call him Asuquo, my Akwa Ibom Hottie. Asuquo was your Y2K compliant suave. He was eloquent, funny and confident, you know, my dating trio-factor.  So Baebae and I were on one of those romantic nights on Westown Rooftop , Ikeja, during our early dating days  (mehn, those guys do chicken and chips wella), all dreamy eyed  and lovey dovey (ain't no love like new love!). Out of the blues, I  asked him “Asuquo what is the meaning of your name? Asuquo  was 38 at the time. Nna, dude dropped his fork, and stared at me in a way that reminded me of Bishop Imeh, when he wants to act stupid.  He just said “Amaka, do you know I don’t know what my name means? Jesu Oluwa O! So I have been dating a non entity! ( and I don't mean that in a bad way o). Honestly, that was a deal breaker for me, call me paranoid. So he might as well bear “syphilis” or “gonorrhea”, simply because he doesn’t know the meaning. Thereafter, I saw him in a different light.  Like, if you don’t know the meaning of your name, how can you be serious with life? I don even forget say he was still living with his parents at the time (No wonder).  I googled his name later, apparently it means “patience”, in my opinion, an unsuitable name for him.  In my own case, I speak my name in every situation, good or bad. My beautiful names are Chiamaka, Chidinma and Anthonia. Chiamaka and Chidinma mean the same: God is good, while Anthonia means: highly praise worthy. When I am down and out, I always remember that God remains the same good God, regardless of my situation. So I don’t fret about a situation,  more than I can handle and I praise more when I hurt.  Thankfully, it always works.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t particularly angry at my Akwa Ibom hottie because he didn’t know what his name meant, I was more particular about him assuming a identity he knew absolutely nothing about, and not taking responsibility to finding out that his name meant.  As in , he couldn't even google his name. Omo, I take off o, before the bobo go wake up one day, talk say him no know me ( lol, I’m just kidding). But it obviously raised a lot of questions about him.  What does your name mean to you?

So I figured, amidst yarning story story, I could also release a piece of me. its just me yarning, blabbing, letting myself, the best way I can. in my book, there are no rules, just saying it as it is. here's to me.........................................

Monday 11 April 2016

REVENGE, BEST SERVED COLD HOT- THE CANKER-WORM RELEASE

Jane had always had a crush on Chinonso, but concealed that fact, with painstaking efforts. She resented the attention he showered on Chinenye, and was secretly happy that he cheated on her;in that, breaking previous bonds between them. Regrettably, Chinonso was not attracted to fat ladies, and that was a huge minus for her. At first, she jokingly advised Nenye to have a baby with him, with the consolation that her piety would discourage the thought.Considering a conception had taken place, she was not about to let the opportunity of a rendezvous with him slip away, again.

"Surprise, surprise", Chinonso exclaimed, as he ushered her into his living room. As they embraced, she took in his Burberry cologne  and stayed glued to his body, like a puzzle perfect fit. He moved towards his convenience bar to get drinks, while she wandered through his mini-library, as tidy as she had remembered his cubicle in the university. There was a beautiful contrast between his orange-coloured sofa and the dark brown cushions, a theme, Jane would replicate in her own home. On his centre table, was a framed photo of him and a very pretty lady; probably his latest flame, she assumed. She took a good look at her full figure, clad in a Karen Miller vintage gown, and decided she was pretty in her own right, even if she was no match to the girl in the frame. The die was cast, and it was the right time to strike.
"Chinonso, I knew you slept with Chinenye",She blurted out. The tray containing a bottle of Baron De Valis and two wine glasses fell thunderously from Chinonso's hands, leaving him gasping in shock. Jane, unperturbed  by the mishap, continued. "She is 2 months pregnant, and she intends keeping the baby. Of course she couldn't think of an oblivious and willing party to her plan. My task for you is to prevent her from coming back". If the grounds could open, Chinonso would have disappeared, at that moment. "Jennifer, what do you want?" he interrogated.  She pranced about  the living room and back and eventually sat beside him. As she ran her fingers across his arm, she felt his raw tension. In his confused state, she still wanted to do the things she planned to do. Things that couldn't be spoken or written. She continued "I want a partnership, a business deal. You are going to have sex with me on the regular, in exchange for silence on everything. That is the reason I am here, to discuss our value proposition". Chinonso was dumbfounded, so much so, he didn't notice when she left. On one hand, he was excited at the thought of being the father of Chinenye's child. On the other hand, he was angry at her.  Why wouldn't she come to him willingly? Even if she dropped the bombshell on him, he had a right to deciding if he wanted to tread that route. Chinenye had always made the wrong choice of friends, and he had decried frequently at her tardy choice. At the thought of sleeping with Jane, he gulped down the eighth bottle of Gulder, on the table.



It was a lovely Christmas day, and Nenye was resting on the long sofa on the living room, munching on a piece of chicken and cracking jokes with her mother-in-law.  Who would have thought that the day would come? Their bonding moment was interrupted by Uwem's loud entrance, obviously disturbed by the cheer in the environment. He reached out for the TV remote, just about the same time her hands were stretched, but forcefully snatched it from her hands. Mrs. Ekpo, caught the friction between them and acted immediately.
"Uwem, you have been hostile towards your wife, ever since she got pregnant. I have noticed, but I think it is about time I said my mind. Do you want to lose this baby? Your wife has been complaining about your lack lustre attitude. She should be the one with the mood swings, not you".
Uwem mumbled some incoherent words, as he sat on a close by chair, to watch the match on TV, clearly showing he wasn't interested in continuing the conversation. Immediately, Nenye left for the bathroom. As she wiped the last traces of urine, she chuckled at her mother-in-law's defence.  She was loving every minute of the experience, and vowed to get pregnant more often, so that she would get this princess treatment on the regular.  This part of her life, she watched in some random home video. In her wildest imagination, she never imagined she would end up so low. She was still dissecting her thoughts, when Uwem barged into the bathroom and dragged her out.
"Say it to my face, so that we can stop this pretence. Whose baby is this? We have not had sex in months, Chinenye. Pray tell, whose baby is this? She thought about lying on the spot, as she recounted the events of the past week; Jane's betrayal, Chinonso's confrontation and the call she made to the Olive Hospital Board, she decided to let the cat out of the bag. She stood up to him, faced eye to eye and blurted out, without holding back." You are right, Uwem. This could never be your baby, and you know it. You think you could hide this from me? You held my life down for six years. You kept your dark secret, letting your family insult me when all along, you were the empty one. So yes, Uwem, this is Chinonso's baby. He/she is going to be an Ekpo". She paused to laugh in a loud, hollow tone, as she drew the utility hammer that was resting on the dressing table closer to her, just in case he struck.  However, the reaction she got from him was not in the plot.
"Nenye, you are free to walk away, get the divorce you always wanted. I can deal with raising a child that is not mine, but I can't  continue living  with you, Chinenye". Suddenly, the strength to converse further, failed him. Thereupon,Chinenye was convinced she had got him at the balls." You would live with me. Together, we would raise this child, and subsequent children to come. Either that, or I go out and tell your mother everything. Then, and only then, would I leave". In the heat of the moment, she pushed him violently, with an intention of slamming him onto the hard floor. Luckily, he missed his spot and landed on the soft bed. She looked at him in disdain, at the face she once loved, and continued. "I have reported Dr. Tayo to the hospital board, so you know he is going to jail. You on the other hand, will be confronted with the consequences of your actions, on a daily basis".

Uwem crawled towards her as she headed towards the door,holding her arm  in a manner that could be compared to the  desperate attempt  by  the woman with hemorrhage,as she  touched Jesus' Cloak."Nenye, please I beg you. Let us think of another suitable solution. Please". Nenye looked at Uwem. For a change, it was nice to see Uwem beg, like he depended on her for breath. Seeing him in his weakness, it was apparent that all the love they ever shared, was lost. To  discharge him, an abrupt verdict had to be reached.
"I would let you go, but only I after I have had three children. You will be responsible for their upkeep and sundry, certainly. We will keep up with this marriage facade, till we part, but I am not divorcing you, so you know. I am only agreeing to separation. That way, you don't go marrying someone else. Now if you would excuse me, I need to see to the catering of my guests arriving later today"

All had gone as planned.  She had threatened to reveal the truth to Ebere, Chinonso's betrothed, should he not comply with her proposal of having two more children from him. This was to fulfill her intention of having her children, by one man. Her last port of call, was to inform Kennedy, Jane's husband, that the children he held dear, were for another. Only then, would she seal the lid of her terror bank.